The Root Cause: Efficiency Obsession
I grew up within the East Asian education system, a high-pressure environment where competition and quantification define one’s reality. For three years of high school, every minute was measured, compared, and assigned a specific “output value.” This survival instinct has evolved into a lingering “efficiency obsession” that followed me into university.
Physical Education class was canceled today because the teacher was busy.
I stayed in the dorm while my roommates were still in their classes, and I unexpectedly felt a surge of anxiety. I didn’t know what to do; I just felt this frantic urge to “seize the time” and produce something tangible. This deep-seated “efficiency-first” mindset—a scar left by high school—is incredibly difficult to break.
This inertia is essentially a survival instinct formed under prolonged high pressure. In high school, every minute is quantified, compared, and given a clear purpose (output). Now, “idleness” triggers a sense of unease and “rest-shaming,” forcing me to stay busy just for the sake of being busy.
During my freshman year, I spent my weekends hiding in the library simply because I didn’t know what else to do. Even when I didn’t want to be there, I forced myself to stay—it was the only way to alleviate the anxiety.
Reading is undoubtedly meaningful, but when it becomes a “painkiller” used to escape anxiety, it turns into a disguised form of forced labor.
This habit has been with me for three years or more; it’s like a form of muscle memory that won’t disappear overnight. Facing this conditioned reflex, here is what I can do:
- Awareness: Recognize its existence when it triggers.
- Acceptance: Don’t become more anxious just because I feel uneasy. Accept that this mindset takes time to fade.
- Clarity: Realize that being busy isn’t always the optimal state; “doing nothing” is also a valid way to exist.
- Discovery: Find things I truly love and am passionate about.